Happy Late Birthday, Grandpa: Memories and Musings

Yesterday marked what would have been my Grandpa’s 70th birthday.

On May 4th of this year my Grandpa, Jeffery Lee Powell, was very suddenly hospitalized when my Grandma found him unresponsive in their living room. He was diagnosed with a severe brain bleed, the reason for which we still don’t know the exact details. Five days later on May 9th, lying in a coma in an ICU bed, surrounded by his nine godly children, he went home to the Jesus he loved and followed his entire earthly life.

There are a couple different things that stand out about the last sentence…first of all, nine children? Dang, that’s crazy. What’s crazier? That they’re all godly. They all love Jesus. How often do you meet families with that many adult children who have all grown up in a continuation of love and a faithful walk with their Savior? In today’s world, that’s a one-in-a-million. 

And that’s exactly what Grandpa was; a one-in-a-million. Probably a one-in-a-billion.

Yesterday was harder than I thought it would be. The said nine children, eight of which are married and seven of which have several rambunctious kids add up to quite a crowd. Over forty people, to be exact. Last night many of us all sat around in the living room where he fell asleep for the last time and wept as we watched the full 50 minute video of unedited memories we had recorded for his funeral several weeks earlier. 

The final memory video shown at my Grandpa's funeral, put together by each of his nine kids. Fun fact...the second shown lady in this video is my mom!

It’s strange to have something so necessary to your life suddenly not there any more. There’s always been a lurking fear in your heart that tragedy will strike you out of the blue, but somehow it always seems to happen to other people. It seems like a distant, unthreatening possibility…until one day it actually happens. 

It’s strange for me to have something I can cry about spontaneously. Whenever I think about Grandpa, really think about him,  I start crying. That’s weird for me. I’m not a cryer. I don’t cry about things because I try to resign myself to and get over them as quickly as possible. The thing is, I’m never going to “get over” Grandpa. The pain may dim, but it’s never going to go away, and it’s wrong of me to try to push it away, to forget about it, to stop caring. I've cried more than I can ever remember crying in the past weeks since May 4th. That's okay. That's good.

It’s confusing when you try to decide where you’re going to fuel your grief. Do you turn it into anger and bitterness? Do you run away from it, avoid it at all costs? Or do you let it flow freely, powerfully through you, even though in doing so, you're worried it might break you?

The last twelve weeks I’ve watched my favorite people on earth go through the most difficult and painful experience of their lives. I’ve seen them rise above the searing pain of goodbye, and hang on to Christ without letting go. It’s been miserable. It's been beautiful. 

This song by JVKE, one of my favorite music artists, has really helped me process and grieve the loss of my Grandpa. This song is about him losing his Grandma a year or so ago.

Powell family, I'm so awed by your strength and love. So encouraged by your examples. Only through Christ could we have born this goodbye, this loss. As we talk about Grandpa and cry in his absence, we’re also laughing at his jokes and funny stories. We’re grieving and celebrating. The veil is that much thinner, eternity that much more exciting. We have a precious person waiting there for us.

Grandma, Josh, Emily, Halliegh, Hayden, Hunter, Jamie, Casey, Clara, Jack, Miriam, Mom, Dad, Thomas, Luke, Simon, Judah, Joy, Billy, Liam, Colton, Marshall, Sawyer, Grayson, Jeriel, Keith, Charley, Paisley, Wesley, Joanna, Joshua, Ellie Jo, Ivy, Gideon, Abby, Mike, Milo, Faith, Dawson, Caleb, I love you guys. I couldn’t have asked for a more wonderful family. The fact that the nine Powell children span the course of 20 years doesn’t matter; we all know and love each other dearly, and that is such a gift. Even though the man who was our husband, Dad, and Grandpa isn’t here physically anymore, we all have the hope of seeing him again. And the thing that brought him the greatest joy in this life was knowing that in life and death, he was going to see us again.

I am blessed beyond measure to be a part of this family.

My Grandpa had faith in Jesus Christ, who came to earth and died to take the punishment you deserve so that through repentance and faith in his sacrifice, you could live in paradise for eternity. No matter what you’re being told in your daily life, this isn’t accomplished by any work you can do yourself. There’s no open space in the salvation equation for your works or abilities. The only door to heaven and a life of purpose is through the Sovereignty and Sacrifice of the Son of God. Do you believe? I hope you do. I pray you do. 

Death is real now. I’ve met him face to face for the first time. But I wasn’t prepared for how beautiful it was going to be and how much peace and joy I would find there amidst the sorrow and pain. 

With Christ as our companion, death isn’t the end, but only the beginning.

How excited I am for that beginning. It will make a great story.